How to be body confident in the bedroom

I get a lot of people asking me about having sex as a fat girl and how to be body confident in the bedroom, so I thought it was about time we sat down and had “the talk”. So let’s talk about sex, baby!

Whether you’re getting in to bed with a new partner and feeling a bit shy, wanting to be a bit more adventurous, coming to terms with your body changing, or just feeling a bit self conscious about bits that jiggle, it’s okay. I get it. Learning to love your body is one thing, but getting naked with another person (or more than one person) is a whole other deal altogether, right? Not to worry babe, I’ve got your back!

Setting the scene

Making eye contact while you’re having sex can be incredibly intimate, so think twice before you flick the lights off. As we already know from trying clothes on in dressing rooms, lighting makes a big difference. Who wants unflattering fluorescent lighting? Not me! Candles give a nice soft light (and hello romance!), and so does a dimmed light (my bedside lamp has a dimmer so I can choose how bright I want the light to be), which means you still have some light to make eye contact with your partner.

Getting ready

I don’t know about you, but sex isn’t always something I’m “prepared” for. I’ll be honest – I am not always waxed, wearing slinky lingerie and have my favourite perfume lightly scenting my skin. The reality is that I probably have prickly legs, am wearing whatever I happen to have on at the time and haven’t had a chance to brush my teeth after eating a very garlicky dinner. And that’s okay! I don’t think that you necessarily need to jump through hoops to set the scene for sex, and I’m a big fan of spontaneity, but if I need a confidence boost then making sure I look and feel good is a great start. In my ideal world that would involve the chance to at least de-fuzz my legs, soak in a delicious bath, slather myself in moisturiser, slip into that sexy lingerie and brush my teeth. If you have a ritual that helps you feel like the queen of the world then by all means do it girl!

On the subject of lingerie, I want to give you a bit of advice. Choose something that makes you feel amazing. If it’s scratchy, too small, too tight or you aren’t feeling awesome in it, ditch it and find something lovely. I’m all about fabric that feels nice and lingerie that makes me feel good! If there is a part of your body that you particularly want to show off, choose lingerie that makes the most of that.

Massage

A little known fact, I studied massage when I was in my early 20s. I don’t work as a massage therapist now, so the only person that’s going to be benefiting from my massage skills is my Mr! You don’t need to sign up for classes or anything to bring massage into your bedroom though – just grab your favourite oil or massage bar (I love the massage bars from Lush because they are easy to use and aren’t as messy as oils, Soft Coeur is my current fave) and start rubbing! You don’t need to press really hard, in fact it’s better if you don’t – you’re trying to relax your partner and get that skin on skin connection with each other so go slow, enjoy the moment and feel the love! How does this help with body confidence? When you’re rubbing those gorgeous oils into a partner, you are focusing on their body rather than your own insecurities. When they’re massaging you, you’ll be enjoying their touch and the way your body reacts to it! Winning all around! Something important to note – oils should never be used internally and oils and latex don’t work well together so if you’re using condoms, gloves or sex toys make sure you avoid the oil!

Position

There is more to life than missionary! Don’t be afraid to change things up and find positions that you both enjoy – whether that is missionary, with you on top or from behind. And if you’re thinking “I don’t want to be on top because my partner will see my pudgy stomach” or “I’m not keen on doggy style because my bum looks fat when I’m bent over”, I’m gonna tell you to stop that now! The person you’re having sex with is there in that moment with you and they are attracted to you. Trust me when I say that they’re not going to be turned off by your cellulite or the fact that you might have bits that jiggle. And if they are … well, that’s their issue.

Get out of your head

When I’m in bed with someone, I’m thinking about how much I’m attracted to them, how stoked I am that they are attracted to me, how nice their body feels, how nice they’re making my body feel … I’m not looking at their stretch marks or judging how toned they are. This is pretty true not just of the people I’ve been to bed with but I’d say most people. So get out of your head, stop worrying about what your partner might be thinking, and enjoy the moment! When you do, you’ll have a lot more fun, trust me!

Got any more questions about being body confident in the bedroom?
Leave them below and I would be more than happy to answer them!