I’m Having Surgery

Meagan Kerr ready for an MRI

So, I’m having surgery on Tuesday and feeling pretty anxious about it. Some of you know that I’ve been having some issues on and off for a few years now, and I haven’t wanted to talk about it much, simply because I haven’t had the answers I needed to be able to tell you what’s going on. But now I do, so bring on all of the oversharing (this is why I’m a blogger right? Because I’m all about the overshare?).

Meagan Kerr on crutches

Just over three years ago I dislocated my knee and injured one of the ligaments in my right leg. I was on crutches for a while and physio helped me a lot, but I never really recovered as well as I should have. I had a lot of ongoing problems with that knee, and it kept getting worse so I was sent to a specialist to find out if something more serious was wrong with it. The specialist I saw kept brushing it off as something that was happening because I am fat and honestly she didn’t seem to have much interest in helping me get well again (don’t worry, I did make a complaint about that!). I kept pushing for answers as it kept getting worse and finally she sent me to have an MRI. The wait to get an MRI was really long, but I finally had one done around the middle of 2015. Then there was another long wait to get back in to see the specialist to find out what the results were.

While I was doing all this waiting, I was working on strengthening my knee because I kept having problems with it. My patella would dislocate at the most random moments, when I wasn’t doing anything particularly strenuous, and I’d just collapse. It was an extremely painful few months and it got to the point where I was too scared to go out by myself in case it happened while I was out. My physio was an absolute godsend and her regular massages and ultrasound therapy (along with the loan of crutches when I needed them) really helped me to function on a daily level! She also advised me to tape my knee every day to help keep my kneecap where it should be.

When I got to go back and see my specialist about the MRI results (which look pretty amazing by the way, I got to look at them pretty thoroughly) at the end of 2015, I found out that I have a tumour in my knee. It’s benign, but it’s a progressive disease that slowly worsens and can lead to bone damage and arthritis plus it was causing me a lot of grief so that meant a referral to a surgeon to have it removed, and because this was right before Christmas I knew I’d be in for a bit of a wait. Fast forward a bit and I got to see an orthopaedic surgeon in February 2016. We had a chat and he took me through my MRI results and explained what was going on and what they were going to do to fix my knee! In the end he referred me to another surgeon that I got to see in April, who specialises in knee surgery.

This new surgeon agreed to do my surgery and explained what his plan is. I asked him lots of questions about what the different options for surgery will mean for me in terms of hospital stay and recovery time, and I’m feeling confident that he’s the best man for the job. I went on the surgical waiting list, got cleared by the anaesthetist and then waited. And I waited. Then I went to Australia for Melbourne Fashion Week Plus. And then it looked like I had a date, so I started turning down work and really amazing blog opportunities … but then that date came and went with no surgery. Basically there was an awful lot of waiting, a few days when I was told I might have a date but they didn’t end up going anywhere. I had basically stopped hoping, because I spent the best part of a year not being able to make plans for fear of having to cancel them. I had to turn down work when I was told a date was pencilled in (a really hard ask when you’re self employed like I am!), because I didn’t want to be that person who had to cancel a project because she couldn’t see it through.

Fast forward to April 2017. This week I got a call saying that they finally had a surgery date for me, and could I do next week? I was standing in The Warehouse looking at picture frames when I got the call from the surgical booker, and I almost cried because I was just so overwhelmed with relief. Yes I can bloody do next week! I was sent back to the orthopaedic clinic to get surgical clearance (again) and I got the chance to ask more questions (which was good, because a year gave me a lot of time to come up with more questions!).

Meagan Kerr having tests done before knee surgery

Now I’m spending my Easter weekend trying to Get Shit Done like I never have before. I want to make sure everything is squared away before I have my surgery so I don’t have to worry about anything while I’m recovering. I’m writing and scheduling a few blog posts so you’ll have something to read while I’m in the hospital (and I’ll try to share a few snaps on my Instagram Stories – I’d love you to keep me company on there!). I’ve even got a guest blogger lined up! I’m downloading books on my Kindle (see what I’m reading here), prepping and freezing meals, and making sure my house is super clean for when I come home.

I’m keeping busy, because I don’t really want to face the fact that I’m scared. I’m scared that I’ll turn up and my surgery will be cancelled because more urgent cases came in. I’m scared they won’t get all of the tumour out and it will grow back. I’m scared that even if they do get the tumour out it won’t fix the problem with my knee. Even with all of the medical knowledge that I have and the research I’ve done and the faith I have in my amazing medical team, I’m just scared, okay?

So I’d really appreciate your love and good wishes. And I’d love you to come and talk to me on social media (you can find me on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter) – I’ll be posting when I’m feeling a bit better, maybe in a week or so, after my surgery? I’m also thinking of getting Netflix, so if you’ve got any suggestions of what I should watch on there, let me know!

Wish me luck

66 Comments

  1. Amie
    April 18, 2017 / 12:17 pm

    Sending lots of love and gentle encouragement your way. I’m currently waiting for funding approval for jaw surgery, so I can totally empathise with how frustrating all the waiting around is. So glad you finally got a surgery date and hoping it all goes well for you. x

    • April 21, 2017 / 4:02 pm

      Thanks Amie, I hope your surgery comes around soon xo

  2. April 18, 2017 / 2:05 am

    Best wishes for successful surgery tomorrow and for a speedy and comfortable recovery!

  3. Katie
    April 18, 2017 / 12:51 am

    Meagan I wish you all the best of luck! Sending all my healing vibes and love your way. Netflix is the way to go it’s so cheap for what you get! Follow their FB page they always tell you cool&knew stuff and trailers etc. ps I had major major surgery done on my right arm a few years ago. Just make sure they have the brain scanner in the room!!! As well as I know wayyyy to many beautiful soles..including myself….that after surgery they gave me such a high and long amount of pain killers that unknowingly my body became highly addicted and after I suffered throug recovery then I had to sufffer through WITHDRAWL. doctors are honestly out for money, if they honestly cared you would have never waited that long. Here in the US it’s literally all about money. If u don’t have it.,no surgery. But anyway I just love and care for u so just be careful and research any medication they give you to the full extent. If I could go back I’d suffer with just natural stuff and physical therapy etc. but that’s just one persons thing I just know wayyyyy too many people it’s also happened to. As long as your careful you’ll do fine. We’ll miss you and we’ll all keep you company on Snapchat!! (Sorry for the book here haha) all my love and you’ll do fine..if you weren’t scared you wouldn’t be human. Once they put you out no more scared believe me just make sure they have that scanner in the room my mother went through “being awake while under anesthesia” 1 in 700 people get it…I’m sure u Won’t but just make sure. Life will be a lot better after this girl just keep thinking that through the boring days but hey you get to binge all the best shows ever! Good luck and keep us posted on snap..I’m honestly very curious on your day to day recovery considering they’re saying I might need knee replacement (keep saying my weight as well) but I keep refusing. So to see your story unfold might really help some women. All my love all the way from the garden state USA my dear. You’re strong or you wouldn’t be a blogger you’re one tough cookie! U got this! ❤️❤️❤️

    • April 22, 2017 / 10:00 am

      Thanks Katie, surgery went well and now I’m back home. I came off the really strong pain relief quite fast because I don’t like the feeling they have on my body – mostly they don’t remove pain they just make me feel wasted. So I’m keeping it low key on over the counter painkillers and feeling good so far. I think the physical therapy is the hardest at the moment but I feel like I’m improving all the time so that’s good. It’s hard having to slow down and be really inactive, but I know it’s necessary to let my body heal. Will try and remember to snap even though I’m not doing a whole lot! xo

  4. April 17, 2017 / 10:45 pm

    Oh Megan I do feel for you. Surgery is always a ‘what if’ thing. Am so glad for you its finally all go. I hope you recover fast and we’ll.
    Sending you lots of hugs and best wishes.
    Imagine an easier life once you’ve healed!!
    I love movies and Netflix has such a great range. I don’t have a particular genre…I watch most anything depending on the weather and mood.
    What are you most interested in??
    TV series marathons are great too.
    Keep smiling beautiful xx

    • April 22, 2017 / 9:55 am

      Thanks Brenda! It all went well and now I’m on the mend. I’ve already started on Netflix watching 13 Reasons Why, but I’m open to most shows (esp love crime/drama though)

  5. Jaylene
    April 15, 2017 / 4:23 pm

    My daughter and I wish you all the bests with the surgery Megan and a super smooth recovery

  6. Christina
    April 15, 2017 / 12:30 pm

    Long time reader, first time commenter: I’m sending you heaps of hugs and luck! Surgery is scary as, but if you have a good surgeon (sounds like you do!) then that makes a real difference. You are prepped, you are knowledgeable and super resiliant. You can ace this, even if you’re feeling a wee bit wobbly at the mo.

    • April 16, 2017 / 9:05 pm

      Thanks Christina, that means a lot. I have lots of trust in my surgeon, he reminds me of my dad a bit so I know I’m in good hands 😀

  7. April 14, 2017 / 10:03 pm

    All the absolute with the surgery and recovery Meagan! Good on you for pushing for an answer when your doctor kept brushing it off! Hope it all goes well

  8. Jacquelyn
    April 14, 2017 / 9:38 pm

    Great luck, I am sure that all will be awesome. The funny part (?) is taking the first steps and reminding yourself how to do it again (now what was that sequence that worked for the other leg). Ice ( tbe wayer variety) will be you best friend. 30 min oo, 30 min off. Better than any pain killer. Slay it, lots of love and good wishes. Jacquelyn

    • April 14, 2017 / 11:32 pm

      Thanks so much Jacquelyn! I definitely have my ice packs at the ready! xo

  9. Linaire
    April 14, 2017 / 6:11 pm

    Wishing you a smooth surgery Meagan, and a super speedy recovery! xx

  10. April 14, 2017 / 4:37 pm

    All the best gorgeous xx

  11. Lynne
    April 14, 2017 / 3:20 pm

    Wishing you a hugely positive outcome, Meagan. Being scared is totally normal unless you have ice rather than blood in your veins. Can’t wait till your back with us, albeit I imagine in recovery mode for a little while. <3

    • April 14, 2017 / 3:42 pm

      Thanks Lynne, I can’t wait to be back!

  12. Mary
    April 14, 2017 / 12:15 pm

    Oh gosh what a long wait! All the best!!
    Good on you for getting organised, it helps keep your mind occupied buy will be a huge help on the other side.

    I’m a brit crime fan so check out the fall, hinterland, marcella 😊

    • April 14, 2017 / 2:41 pm

      It’s been so long. Thanks for the recommendations Mary! xo

  13. April 14, 2017 / 11:45 am

    Good luck and I like your plan to Do All The Things. It’s understandable that you are nervous. My Netflix recommendations are The Ranch (hilarious) and Gilmore Girls 6000+ minutes to rewatch entire seven seasons. My daughter and I did this since August last year so we could watch the latest release (we have only seen one of the four tho, now we’re up to them don’t want it to end!) xxxx ps check if you are allowed nail polish before you get fancy nails done before surgery

    • April 14, 2017 / 11:57 am

      Thanks Andrea! I’m really keen to watch Gilmore Girls as I’ve only seen a couple of episodes! I definitely won’t be getting my nails done pre-surgery, I’ve got naked nails that are cut super short at the moment.

  14. April 14, 2017 / 10:52 am

    Surgery is scary. Wishing you the very best. Hoping that all goes well, that they get all the tumour and that your recovery is speedy
    Xxx

  15. Rochelle S
    April 14, 2017 / 10:50 am

    All the best.

  16. Tiffany Thomson
    April 14, 2017 / 10:30 am

    god luck i have followed u for over a year now, and u will be in good hands follow orders obey orders and relax it will all come right. kia kaha.

    • April 14, 2017 / 10:51 am

      Thanks Tiffany, will definitely be following post-care instructions to the letter!

  17. April 14, 2017 / 10:29 am

    Oh Meagan, such a long time you’ve waited for this! I hope all goes ahead as planned and you’re soon on your way to recovery! I hope they take the best care of you and when you come out you’re spoiled rotten by friends and fam. I’ll be thinking of you. <3 xxx

  18. Jaqui
    April 14, 2017 / 10:26 am

    Much love for the upcoming surgery!! Just make sure you do the post op exercises and physio… so important for the best recovery even tho they hurt at the time 😀 xoxoxoxox
    Talk to ya soon and have a great Easter xxx

    • April 14, 2017 / 10:51 am

      Thanks Jaqui, will DEFINITELY be following post op care to the letter!

  19. Mary
    April 14, 2017 / 10:25 am

    I had torn meniscus surgery ( cartiledhe in the knee) 2 years ago. Wasn’t able to walk much but I brought an Exercycle and elliptical trainer ( both off trade me). They both helped me get in my feet again and I still use them. I have further surgery coming up and I’m also anxious and scared of theanaesthetic and downtime again. My best wishes to you .

    • April 14, 2017 / 10:52 am

      Thanks Mary, good luck for your surgery too ❤️

  20. Bronwyn
    April 14, 2017 / 10:22 am

    Good luck for surgery. I hope it all goes smoothly.

  21. Alison
    April 14, 2017 / 10:13 am

    Good luck Megan, will be wonderful when it is all behind you.

  22. Kerry
    April 14, 2017 / 10:09 am

    Take care!

  23. Kylie
    April 14, 2017 / 9:50 am

    Best wishes Megan for a speedy recovery. Love your work!

  24. Kim Harvey
    April 14, 2017 / 9:47 am

    I just love your blog and your honest sharing Meagan. Sending you all my prayers and good wishes for your surgery. 😍 Netflix is great and I just love watching Designated survivor. Scandal. Lots to choose from. Have a great weekend and take care

  25. Deborah
    April 14, 2017 / 9:37 am

    Hi! I’m a recent follower. I love your style, voice and general don’tfuckwithme ways! Lots of good thoughts for the surgery. You’re in good hands, rest up and let your body heal in her own time. Xx

    • April 14, 2017 / 9:46 am

      Hi Deborah ❤️ Great to have you here, thanks for the well wishes xo

  26. Rara
    April 14, 2017 / 9:34 am

    Read A Trace of Death by Blake Pierce. Its a series and really good. Good luck with surgery.

    • April 14, 2017 / 9:39 am

      Ooh, thanks for the recommendation Rara! I just looked up Blake Pierce on Goodreads and I’m liking what I’m seeing!

  27. April 14, 2017 / 9:20 am

    You should totally get Netflix, watch the crown, westworld and the oa. It’s ok amd normal to be scared, I just had my tenth surgery at xmas time and I get more scared with each one. Doctors and nurses are incredible humans, you’re in great hands and once you’re back home healing and resting life will keep going. Good luck, just exhale x

    • April 14, 2017 / 9:31 am

      Thanks babe. I know I definitely have the best possible team on my hands for this ❤️

  28. becky wilson
    April 14, 2017 / 9:10 am

    I hope all goes well. What Shameless on Netflix! VERY addictive : )

    • April 14, 2017 / 9:30 am

      Thanks Becky, I’ve heard awesome things about Shameless!

      • April 14, 2017 / 9:47 am

        Agree with Shameless!!!!

        And goodluck on your surgery. <3 <3 <3

        • April 14, 2017 / 10:53 am

          Thanks Chel, sounds like Shameless is the one to watch!

  29. Jacqui Heywood
    April 14, 2017 / 9:02 am

    Hope it all goes well. It’d be strange if you weren’t a bit nervous. Good luck.

  30. April 14, 2017 / 7:34 am

    Sending you lots of love!! You’ve waited a long damn time for this, so all my fingers and toes are crossed that everything goes ahead as planned! oxoxo
    I’ve only just got Netflix in the last couple of months and definitely recommend 13 Reasons Why, Pretty Little Liars, Iron Fist, Orange is the new Black… seriously I could go on forever hahahaha. Currently watching Hemlock Grove and it’s so gory, haven’t decided whether I like it or not yet!

    • April 14, 2017 / 9:01 am

      Thanks Christel, feels like I’ve been waiting for ages. Sounds like there are loads of good things to watch on Netflix, 13 Reasons Why and PLL are definitely on my radar!

  31. April 14, 2017 / 7:16 am

    I hope all goes wel! Definitely get Netflix, so much to watch on there. I really like house of cards and orange is the new black.

    • April 14, 2017 / 8:59 am

      Thanks Lena! Both of those shows are awesome, I know I have at least one season of OITNB to catch up on

  32. April 14, 2017 / 7:06 am

    i hope the surgery happens for u sweetie, understandable that you are scared, hard not to be.

    of course I’m going to support you during this time & know I’m only a message anyway

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