So, I’m having surgery on Tuesday and feeling pretty anxious about it. Some of you know that I’ve been having some issues on and off for a few years now, and I haven’t wanted to talk about it much, simply because I haven’t had the answers I needed to be able to tell you what’s going on. But now I do, so bring on all of the oversharing (this is why I’m a blogger right? Because I’m all about the overshare?).
Just over three years ago I dislocated my knee and injured one of the ligaments in my right leg. I was on crutches for a while and physio helped me a lot, but I never really recovered as well as I should have. I had a lot of ongoing problems with that knee, and it kept getting worse so I was sent to a specialist to find out if something more serious was wrong with it. The specialist I saw kept brushing it off as something that was happening because I am fat and honestly she didn’t seem to have much interest in helping me get well again (don’t worry, I did make a complaint about that!). I kept pushing for answers as it kept getting worse and finally she sent me to have an MRI. The wait to get an MRI was really long, but I finally had one done around the middle of 2015. Then there was another long wait to get back in to see the specialist to find out what the results were.
While I was doing all this waiting, I was working on strengthening my knee because I kept having problems with it. My patella would dislocate at the most random moments, when I wasn’t doing anything particularly strenuous, and I’d just collapse. It was an extremely painful few months and it got to the point where I was too scared to go out by myself in case it happened while I was out. My physio was an absolute godsend and her regular massages and ultrasound therapy (along with the loan of crutches when I needed them) really helped me to function on a daily level! She also advised me to tape my knee every day to help keep my kneecap where it should be.
After more than a week of bed rest I am finally allowed to leave the house – thank goodness because I’m going stir crazy. For those of you who missed my earlier post, I dislocated my knee (hence the crutches) but I’m on the mend! 🚑🚑 Tee by @farmersnz, jeans and cardi by @thewarehousenz ✌🏼️ #thisismkstyle
When I got to go back and see my specialist about the MRI results (which look pretty amazing by the way, I got to look at them pretty thoroughly) at the end of 2015, I found out that I have a tumour in my knee. It’s benign, but it’s a progressive disease that slowly worsens and can lead to bone damage and arthritis plus it was causing me a lot of grief so that meant a referral to a surgeon to have it removed, and because this was right before Christmas I knew I’d be in for a bit of a wait. Fast forward a bit and I got to see an orthopaedic surgeon in February 2016. We had a chat and he took me through my MRI results and explained what was going on and what they were going to do to fix my knee! In the end he referred me to another surgeon that I got to see in April, who specialises in knee surgery.
This new surgeon agreed to do my surgery and explained what his plan is. I asked him lots of questions about what the different options for surgery will mean for me in terms of hospital stay and recovery time, and I’m feeling confident that he’s the best man for the job. I went on the surgical waiting list, got cleared by the anaesthetist and then waited. And I waited. Then I went to Australia for Melbourne Fashion Week Plus. And then it looked like I had a date, so I started turning down work and really amazing blog opportunities … but then that date came and went with no surgery. Basically there was an awful lot of waiting, a few days when I was told I might have a date but they didn’t end up going anywhere. I had basically stopped hoping, because I spent the best part of a year not being able to make plans for fear of having to cancel them. I had to turn down work when I was told a date was pencilled in (a really hard ask when you’re self employed like I am!), because I didn’t want to be that person who had to cancel a project because she couldn’t see it through.
It’s one of those clear but cold days today, so I’ve layered up with my merino and I thought this was the perfect chance to break out this wrap/cape/poncho knit. I think I’m pretty sold on adding grey into my wardrobe, there is something super cosy about it ❄️ Top from @farmersnz, wrap from @ezibuy #gifted, belt from @asos_au, pants from @autographfashion and shoes from @nike ❄️ #thisismkstyle
Fast forward to April 2017. This week I got a call saying that they finally had a surgery date for me, and could I do next week? I was standing in The Warehouse looking at picture frames when I got the call from the surgical booker, and I almost cried because I was just so overwhelmed with relief. Yes I can bloody do next week! I was sent back to the orthopaedic clinic to get surgical clearance (again) and I got the chance to ask more questions (which was good, because a year gave me a lot of time to come up with more questions!).
Now I’m spending my Easter weekend trying to Get Shit Done like I never have before. I want to make sure everything is squared away before I have my surgery so I don’t have to worry about anything while I’m recovering. I’m writing and scheduling a few blog posts so you’ll have something to read while I’m in the hospital (and I’ll try to share a few snaps on my Instagram Stories – I’d love you to keep me company on there!). I’ve even got a guest blogger lined up! I’m downloading books on my Kindle (see what I’m reading here), prepping and freezing meals, and making sure my house is super clean for when I come home.
I’m keeping busy, because I don’t really want to face the fact that I’m scared. I’m scared that I’ll turn up and my surgery will be cancelled because more urgent cases came in. I’m scared they won’t get all of the tumour out and it will grow back. I’m scared that even if they do get the tumour out it won’t fix the problem with my knee. Even with all of the medical knowledge that I have and the research I’ve done and the faith I have in my amazing medical team, I’m just scared, okay?
So I’d really appreciate your love and good wishes. And I’d love you to come and talk to me on social media (you can find me on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter) – I’ll be posting when I’m feeling a bit better, maybe in a week or so, after my surgery? I’m also thinking of getting Netflix, so if you’ve got any suggestions of what I should watch on there, let me know!
Wish me luck